GETTING THE FREAKING LEAD OUT
I left the house at 5:15 one recent morning for a trek to Kalamazoo. At 7:00 I arrived at the destination, a community college where my day-long class was to commence at 8. The class was an EPA-mandated one for people who, for profit, might be disturbing lead paint. Since I work a lot on and in very old buildings where the presence of lead paint is a certainty, it seemed prudent to shell out 159 bucks for this class, especially in consideration of EPA fines of up to $37,500 for removing lead paint for pay without this bit of schooling.
Am I puffingly proud to inform you that I’m a Certified Renovator? No ... I doubt that anyone botched the 30-question test at class’s end. If anyone did, they were probably told to review their wrong answers before “diploma” presentation. My so-called diploma has my picture on it so that EPA investigators might easily identify me on job sites. The diploma cites my actual attendance for the class, so you know right off it’s no big whoop. If you have ever considered the services of a brain surgeon whose diploma informed you that Dr. So-and-so showed up for his classes, what have you done? Right: Run with your brain tumor as steadily and as fast away from his office as you could.
Still, I learned a lot about lead paint, which was used for its durability. It takes just a puny amount to poison you, especially if you’re a child 6 years old or under, and likely then not a part of my readership, the lowest end of “under” meaning in the womb still. These young’uns can absorb 50% of the lead they’re exposed to, whereas adults absorb but 10%.
But even as an adult, it’s a cinch to be poisoned. Lead’s pretty nasty. Per square centimeter, a lousy milligram of it is dangerous while you’re scraping or sanding. Lead enters your bloodstream where it checks in for a month, before entering your organs for a six- to eight-month stay, before being put to your bones for 30 years. From there, lead goes back into your bloodstream and the process is renewed.
Chelation (KEE-lation) is the only way to remove lead from the blood, it would seem. Well, the EPA would say that. The EPA will also say that the only way to detect lead in the blood is with a blood lead level (BLL) test. The EPA does not know or care what holistic healers might detect in the condition of the fingernails, or what herbalists might recommend for lead poisoning relief. Chelation would involve removing all your blood, screening lead and all of the other, beneficial metals out of it, and pumping the new and improved blood back into your soon-to-be-anemic self, as I understand it.
Some of the rules the EPA has applied to lead abatement seem awfully arbitrary. For instance, a “child-occupied facility” is defined, in part, as one in which a fetus or tyke (let’s just say fyke) will be on the premises two days a week, three hours per visit. I wondered, what if these two weekly visits were limited to two hours, 59 seconds?
Goofball speculation aside, very small amounts of lead can really mess up young’uns, causing permanent brain and central nervous system damage, decreased intelligence, learning and behavioral problems, the works. In adults, you’ve got your high blood pressure, your fatigue, your headaches and stomach troubles, so on and so forth.
The amount of lead in blood is measured in micrograms per deciliter. A paperclip is about the weight of one gram. A microgram is one millionth the weight of this paperclip. Fifty micrograms mean trouble for adults. Ten micrograms require investigation in children.
I really ought to take a blood lead level test. If my level isn’t high, I’d be surprised. But if a high level is corroborated, nuts to that chelation beeswax. I’d be researching alternative treatments, if there are any.
I left the house at 5:15 one recent morning for a trek to Kalamazoo. At 7:00 I arrived at the destination, a community college where my day-long class was to commence at 8. The class was an EPA-mandated one for people who, for profit, might be disturbing lead paint. Since I work a lot on and in very old buildings where the presence of lead paint is a certainty, it seemed prudent to shell out 159 bucks for this class, especially in consideration of EPA fines of up to $37,500 for removing lead paint for pay without this bit of schooling.
Am I puffingly proud to inform you that I’m a Certified Renovator? No ... I doubt that anyone botched the 30-question test at class’s end. If anyone did, they were probably told to review their wrong answers before “diploma” presentation. My so-called diploma has my picture on it so that EPA investigators might easily identify me on job sites. The diploma cites my actual attendance for the class, so you know right off it’s no big whoop. If you have ever considered the services of a brain surgeon whose diploma informed you that Dr. So-and-so showed up for his classes, what have you done? Right: Run with your brain tumor as steadily and as fast away from his office as you could.
Still, I learned a lot about lead paint, which was used for its durability. It takes just a puny amount to poison you, especially if you’re a child 6 years old or under, and likely then not a part of my readership, the lowest end of “under” meaning in the womb still. These young’uns can absorb 50% of the lead they’re exposed to, whereas adults absorb but 10%.
But even as an adult, it’s a cinch to be poisoned. Lead’s pretty nasty. Per square centimeter, a lousy milligram of it is dangerous while you’re scraping or sanding. Lead enters your bloodstream where it checks in for a month, before entering your organs for a six- to eight-month stay, before being put to your bones for 30 years. From there, lead goes back into your bloodstream and the process is renewed.
Chelation (KEE-lation) is the only way to remove lead from the blood, it would seem. Well, the EPA would say that. The EPA will also say that the only way to detect lead in the blood is with a blood lead level (BLL) test. The EPA does not know or care what holistic healers might detect in the condition of the fingernails, or what herbalists might recommend for lead poisoning relief. Chelation would involve removing all your blood, screening lead and all of the other, beneficial metals out of it, and pumping the new and improved blood back into your soon-to-be-anemic self, as I understand it.
Some of the rules the EPA has applied to lead abatement seem awfully arbitrary. For instance, a “child-occupied facility” is defined, in part, as one in which a fetus or tyke (let’s just say fyke) will be on the premises two days a week, three hours per visit. I wondered, what if these two weekly visits were limited to two hours, 59 seconds?
Goofball speculation aside, very small amounts of lead can really mess up young’uns, causing permanent brain and central nervous system damage, decreased intelligence, learning and behavioral problems, the works. In adults, you’ve got your high blood pressure, your fatigue, your headaches and stomach troubles, so on and so forth.
The amount of lead in blood is measured in micrograms per deciliter. A paperclip is about the weight of one gram. A microgram is one millionth the weight of this paperclip. Fifty micrograms mean trouble for adults. Ten micrograms require investigation in children.
I really ought to take a blood lead level test. If my level isn’t high, I’d be surprised. But if a high level is corroborated, nuts to that chelation beeswax. I’d be researching alternative treatments, if there are any.